Old Wheezie, Beloved Furnace and Servant, Dies at 55

Old Wheezie passed away Saturday, February 28^th after falling ill that morning. In her final moments, Wheezie struggled against fate and managed to belch out a few brief surges of heat. She was pronounced dead four hours later when the furnace repairman snuffed out Wheezie’s dimming pilot light and cited the cause of death as complications related to old age. She was 55.

Wheezie spent a lifetime in service to the two families who inhabited the home where Wheezie was born. As a youth she established a reputation for efficiency and loyalty. She was known for loud bursts of joyful effort during winter, her favorite season. In her later years Wheezie could be heard groaning loudly and gasping prior to beginning her tasks, thus receiving the nickname “Wheezie” which came to be her permanent title.

Preceded in death by longtime companion The Stove, siblings May and Tag Washer-Dryer, her home’s previous tenants including Pat the Dog and Haley the Cat; survived by current tenants T, P, Olive, Oskar, and Orson. The home’s spokescat Orson offered this perspective, “While it may be cliché to say that Wheezie died doing what she loved, it is no less true. She lived her life to the fullest and, indeed, accomplished her duties to the very end.”

Final viewing scheduled for Monday, March 2nd at 7 AM. In lieu of flowers family members request that contributions memorials be sent to the Heating and Air Replacement and Installation Experts who will be handling Wheezie’s replacement.